I guess when it all comes down to it, I miss you so much because you took pieces of me with you when you left me. You took the part of me that believed in you, the piece of me that was naive and thought that love conquers all, a wedge of my life that I can’t get back and can’t forget - the same chunk that at the time I was so happy to be living, but now it causes me nothing but pain to remember.
If the past 9 months of my life were a book or a movie, I guess we’d be at the half way point. The mess has been made, feelings hurt and childish dreams torn apart by reality. Although it may feel like then end I know I have to keep fighting and listening to the voice inside of me that’s screaming “This is not how it ends. Love does exists and it will conquer all!”. Some time now the sun will have to start shining and new hope will rise from the embers of the past like a phoenix reborn.
Maybe your not really ‘the one’ for me and just a decoy for something more spectacular. But fighting for what I feel is right is what I know and believe me it’s what I intend to carry on doing.
In my opinion the mark of a good relationship isn’t one that’s all sun shine and daisies, it’s the ones that have cracks and chunks missing and scars in them that no amount of make up can hide. A good relationship is made by two people making it work despite all the odds. They’re the ones worth having, because for the two of you it means something to be together. It means you looked life in the face and overcame the obstacles that were thrown at you, even if you threw in the towel and settled for what was easier at the time. You still came together in the end and gave the world your middle finger and spat in the eye of anyone who dared to try and keep you apart.
Maybe I’ve got a twisted view on life and love, possibly all those years of watching movies and reading books has left it’s mark in the form of an unrealistic dream.
Despite the fact we’ve been apart longer than we were together I still love you, I still think about you everyday, I still miss your smile and the sight of your eyes in the morning. I’d still move a mountain for you if you asked me to. But it has to be said, I hate you for everything - mainly because now when Taylor Swift or Justin Beiber or any of that pop shit comes on I no longer reach for the remote and tune into something else. No, now I think of you and I can empathise with the lyrics. Worst of all they’re crap lyrics for fucks sake.
I think I’m going to end my ramble here. I know it doesn’t make much sense and it sounds a little crazy, but it’s what’s going on in my mind 24/7.
If your reading this, don’t take pity on me. That’s not what I want. Take a chance on me, I took a chance on you. I’m not like your past, so stop using the experiences you had then to judge what should be happening now. Everything in life is a risk, a gamble and every decision is 50/50. Roll the dice again and see how things turn out a second time, maybe you’ll hit rock bottom - or maybe you can win the jackpot. There’s only one way of finding out though…