I love you skadazzle. Thank you
So last night my ex brought what I’m assuming is a one night stand home. Gave me prior warning of it, which is one thing I did ask. I spent the entire day worrying what this guy that was being brought back to my house was going to be like, this hopefully low life that would be sleeping in the same bed that I had spent some of my happiest months in. Every time I stopped busying myself with cleaning and rearranging things in work, I got these horrible nervous palpitations. Can’t say I remember much of the wait for him to come home, its more or less a blacked out blur of apprehension.
I do know that when I heard them come through the door at something to midnight that I felt sick. It wasn’t a possibility anymore - Dan had truly lost any feeling for me. I locked myself in my room, dug my head under my pillow and tried to block out the sounds of them laughing and joking beneath my room.
When I heard the bed start to creak I honestly nearly vomited. My skin was crawling and I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore that had started to swell beneath my eyes since I had received his text message at ten to one that afternoon. Trying my best not to listen I turned on my xbox and started to kill some zombies. Didn’t help, aiming was shit, tried helplessly till somewhere around four this morning when I sulked off down stairs and sat alone in the dark living room. It was strangely comforting, I knew no one would hear my sobs in the darkness, I doubt very much that anyone would have cared to be honest.
I didn’t manage to catch a wink of sleep and it’s now starting to take its toll. Dan came downstairs around 8ish, and gave a pitiful ”hi” that made heart flutter and my skin crawl as he walked past the room.
Eventually released I needed to get my arse into gear as I was due in work in less than an hour and made for the bathroom, but the one night stand was in the shower. Annoyed and frustrated I shut myself back in my room, until I heard water stop running and the bathroom door open. After what felt like an hour I headed for the bathroom - noticed the one night stand on the way. My head was a whirl with conflicting feelings. I know I still love Danny, but I feel sick with what he’s done. I’m not stuck up, not in any sense… I just have standards. This point added to my conflicting emotions as I feel so disappointed with Dan… not even sure if I have any right to feel that… but I do. I don’t know if I should be still feeling such strong feeling for him - but I do. Not even sure if I should be feeling some hatred towards him for putting me through that last night … but I do!
I know I need to move out from this house, and to cut him from my life but I’m scared to. I don’t think I’m strong enough. I love him and even now can’t let go of some hope that he’ll take back the things he said, and more to the point take me back. I hate him for that.
Day 27 - Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
To see what I can uncover about myself, also it was to give me something to do.
Day 26 - What do you think about you friends?
I like them, I think that they’re great and I really couldn’t ask for a better bunch of bro’s and ho’s. I’d say my odd sense of humour and my lack of time management skills helps to whittle down my list of friends so I know who are my ‘True Friends’ and just ‘mates’. Sounds horrible I know, but my true friends know what I’m like for letting time run away with me, and although I’m sure it annoys them to some degree they always manage to let it slide. Love you guys, you’re all boss!
Day 25 - What I would find in your bag
Well firstly I apologise for missing the past three days, so you lucky lot will be getting four in one day!
So firstly in my bad you would find my 3DS, couple of random receipts.. maybe about a £1 in 10p’s and other such change. My sketch book, a mechanical pencil and a couple of sweet wrappers.
Day 24 - A letter to your parents
I know I’ve not been the easiest son to raise and for that I’m truly sorry. Remember when I used to run off on you guys in shopping centers? Well I would laugh when I saw the look of panic on your faces - I never imagined, at the time, the stress and worry I must have put you pair under. I wish I could say that was the end of anxiety I inflicted on you - but with my epilepsy as a child I guess I didn’t make your lives easy.
During Highschool, College and even to some extent University, I took all my anger and frustrations out on you two. If I’d had a bad day, you and Sarah found out about it. Wish I knew why I did. I think deep down it’s because I know, no matter how much I screw up you two will always be there to help me through it.
I’ve been one shitter of a son haven’t I?
Even now I know I don’t contact either of you as much as I probably should do, and definitely not as much as I’d like to. Mum, Dad - I know I don’t say this to you as much as I should, but I love you both and I’ve forever in your debt. You’ve both taught me about life and love, about sticking up for myself and what I believe in. I think you’ve also got far more confidence in me than I deserve and definitely more than I have in myself. You’re both an a massive inspiration to me :)
Thank you for everything x
A client was upset that the animated .gifs from his site weren’t animated when printed out. I tried to explain that it simply wasn’t possible.
Client: Why are you lying to me? I know it’s possible - have you not seen the moving posters and pictures in Harry Potter!?
Day 23 - Something you crave for a lot
· Energy · Confidence ·Sweets · Smiles
· Laughter · Millie · A second chance…
I think that pretty much sums it up
Day 22 - What makes you different from everyone else
I have an odd sense of humour and prefer in-jokes and geekery references, adore the Harry Potter series, enjoy going out on long walks and long nights out, though I’d sooner stay in with some good company and a good movie. The way I look isn’t necessarily important to me, however I don’t like to look like I’ve just fallen through a bush - which has happened. When I was a child I had Epilepsy and since it’s calmed down and I’ve not had a fit since I was 11. I’m dyslexic and although I like to joke about it, I don’t like to use it as an excuse. I like to walk the road less traveled and make my own adventures. Legend of Zelda is my all time favourite video game series, like wise Battlestar Galactica is my favourite TV series. I love watching Jeremy Kyle in the morning and laugh at situations such as “Am I the father of my dad’s girlfriends child?”. I like to eat sweet foods and love cooking. I hope someday to find “the one” but fear I never will. I try to give more than I take.
I guess what the above is trying to say, is; I’m not that unique on the face of it, but if you take the time to get to know me you will notice things about me that I never even knew. That’s when my uniqueness shines through.
I’m pretty damn good thank you very much. How are you doing my lovely?
Day 20 - Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Someone who loves me for who I am. Not what they want from me.
Day 19 - Nicknames you have; why do you have them
I’ve got a few nicknames that are in circulation at the moment. Some good, and some not so good. They are:
Flick / Swish
Some people know me by Flick or Swish. Any guesses why? Well simply put it’s because of my love for all things Harry Potter. If you needed it spelling out further than that, think of a Flick or Swish of a wand ;)
This is usually the alias I go by now. Origins of this name is from an anime called Trigun. The main character, Vash is widely know as Vash The Stampede. According to friends of mine who have watched the series I’m very much like Vash, so Ste The Stampede came into existence.
Not too sure why this name was applied to me, but during a particular night out a friend of mine suddenly decided “Sparky” was to be my name henceforth. Needless to stay it stuck.
Because, simply, I am an animal.
I do have other nicknames that I’ve been called, but they are my most common names. :)